We can never really stop life from happening. Even if we are in a relationship, we usually allow life to divert our attention away from our significant other. This is not a problem since we all need to take care of our needs, our careers, and our families. However, have we ever thought about the needs of the one we married or we are in a relationship with? If your answer is no, there’s something you can ask to improve your relationship.
Improve Your Relationship By Asking These Questions
More specifically, there are four questions that can refocus you and your partner‘s attention on each other. Again, giving your attention to your kids, your hobby, your job, or anything else is not a disadvantage. What’s unhealthy is that we put too much of our attention on these things. We cannot deny the fact that, sometimes, we don’t look at our partners anymore. It’s likely that we may even be paying more attention to our phones. Try these questions out if this is the case:
- Do you see me?
- Do you care that I am here?
- Do you need me to be better in some way?
- Can I tell that I am special to you by the way you look at me?
As mentioned, the aim of these questions is to refocus the attention or, as John Gottman, a psychotherapist, puts it, these questions encourage couples to “turn towards instead of away”.
How To Turn Towards Your Partner
Going back to John Gottman, he actually did some research on newlyweds, following up with them six years later. Some were still together, but many got divorced. The common factor among couples who stayed together was that they paid attention to each other and each other’s needs (emotionally and physically).
Gottman did admit that men have a harder time at paying attention to their significant other. However, as long as a couple works on it the need for attention lessens when most requests for attention have been met.
The bottom line is that you can significantly improve your relationship just by talking to your partner, letting them know that they look good, or even just smiling at them when you’re in the same room. It’s not that hard to do, isn’t it? For more tips on how to better your relationships, check out more posts on our blog.